I like martinis. I think a country should be named
Martini. I think all the rivers in this country
should be filled with vodka and all the airplanes
that fly over the country should be required by law
to drop olives from the sky.

The children would be shaped like miniature
swords and the women would be made of
glass. In this country beer would be tied to
wooden stakes and burned in the streets.

The national anthem would be “Sway” by Dean Martin.
I would be king of this country.
I would be queen of this country too.

There would be no men and the women would
reproduce without them. I’d be the only man.
Except on days when I am queen.